Euphoria
by sensitive touchdown
Summary: 4827: It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. yaoi/noncon/spoilers


**Euphoria**

Warnings: SPOILERS for chapters above 182, especially chapter 187. Yaoi. _Disturbing content__._

This is supposed to be something like 'what really happened between Spanner and Tsuna'.

--

_He really did his best. He promised them— he promised Gokudera, Ryohei and Yamamoto, that he would try his best and come back unscratched._

_The dying will was pulsing in his palms and tip of his fingers._

_He aimed._

_And he fired._

--

Spanner grunted, as he kicked open the door to his office, or room, or home, whatever you wanted to call it.

Tsuna was light in his arms, because he was still so young. His innocence was radiating from him, making Spanner wonder why exactly he was doing this. But he never picked sides, therefore he supposed that he was doing a favor to himself, as well as the Millefiore and Vongola.

Millefiore family would be happy to get rid of such a nuisance in their way, while Vongola might appreciate the fact that he had no intentions of killing their boss. Killing wasn't really his style, he preferred to walk his own path and come to his own conclusions. And Tsuna could make himself useful by developing his ability that had destroyed the Strau Moscas.

Spanner felt shivers run down his spine, as he thought about the amazing display of fight Tsuna had performed. The incredible movements of his lithe body… Spanner sighed and shook his head to drive the thoughts away.

He was almost always alone, but that didn't mean that he was _that_ desperate.

Spanner walked professionally through his office, even though the floor was covered with different tools and papers were scattered all around. But he remembered every inch of his workplace and he could tell without looking where he had left all of his belongings.

"Alright, young Vongola." Spanner muttered and placed Tsuna on his bed, which was only a thin mattress. He noticed that Tsuna's lips were turning blue and his face was pale as his bed sheets. He ran his hand worriedly against his pale cheeks and wondered out loud, "Are you getting cold?"

As expected, the unconscious leader of the Vongola family didn't reply. Spanner didn't mind though, since he knew that eventually he would wake up. And that's when the fun would begin. He knew that Tsuna would be worth all his efforts.

Without noticing it, Spanner's hand moved from Tsuna's face to his neck. He swallowed hard and quickly jerked his hand away. He hadn't had any company in a while and he was aware of the bottled up desires he wore on his sleeve. But maybe that was the reason no one ever dared to come see him— even Irie, who he had first thought to be a very trustworthy person never dared to step in his office.

Spanner noticed how Tsuna's lips grew even more sickeningly shade of blue. He really needed to warm the boy up, if he didn't want him to die of hypothermia. His clothes must still be wet from dipping in the water with the Strau Moscas.

The mechanic pulled Tsuna in his lap and let his head rest against his shoulder. With a sigh he slowly pulled down the zipper of his thoroughly soaked jacket, slowly revealing the cute chest and lean stomach. Spanner bit his lip and halted his actions, as he stared at the boy in his lap.

The situation couldn't probably get more appealing. He had an unconscious boy in his arms, completely under his control. He had the upper hand, but was he ready to take an advantage of it? Spanner let out a long breath and pulled Tsuna's zipper all the way down and peeled him from his jacket.

Spanner felt Tsuna's faint breathing against his neck. It sent shivers all the way down his spine and his palms became sweaty. It was sad how turned on he was by the bare skin of the boss of Vongola, but he couldn't resist the temptation. Therefore he let his hand drift across the exposed chest and gently caressed the pink nipple on the way.

"I'm out of my mind…" Spanner scolded himself and quickly proceeded to remove Tsuna's pants.

_I'm just preventing his hypothermia_, Spanner assured himself and swiftly stripped Tsuna from his damp shoes and pants. There is nothing wrong in helping someone in need, right?

Had it been anyone but Spanner, the actions might have actually been innocent. But he was not quite a normal person. He was _Spanner_ and on top of that a very horny Spanner. But because he wasn't an animal, he knew that he could maintain his composure and fight his libido.

He placed Tsuna on the bed with shaky hands. The color had started returning to his face, although his lips were still a little bluish.

Spanner stood up, his legs barely carrying his weight any longer. He had to gather all of his self-control, to be able to look away from Tsuna and pick up his wet clothes from the floor. His usually fairly agile movements became clumsy and he _almost_ stumbled on a screwdriver on the floor.

Maybe taking Tsuna in wasn't a wise decision after all.

--

Spanner knew it had only been less than half an hour, but sitting by Tsuna's bed and staring at him, made the time flow so slowly. He was anxiously waiting for him to awaken, partly because he wanted Tsuna to develop his amazing ability and perfect it.

The bored mechanic ran his fingertip around his tea mug's edge. He was a patient person by nature, but Tsuna was taking more time to recover than he had suspected. But then again, after their fight Spanner was starting to understand that not everything could be calculated. Especially when it comes to the young Vongola.

But what ticked him off the most was that Tsuna was far more attractive than he had thought. Especially now that he was powerlessly lying on his bed with nothing but his boxers on.

_He's almost naked_, the voice in Spanner's head taunted, _you know you can do it. You know you could take out all of your frustration right here and now._

Spanner clenched his fists in his lap. Tsuna was still a mere child, therefore touching him _like that_ would ruin his youthful innocence. But on the other hand, why should he care about such thing? His personal goal was only to make Tsuna's unknown ability even more powerful, so he did have some time for foreplay.

_That's right, Spanner_, the thoughts kept insisting stubbornly, _no one will ever know what you did with him_.

He tried to resist, but the instincts from the deepest part of his mind made him surrender control to his libido.

Spanner slipped underneath the blanket and propped his weight on his elbows. He breathed against Tsuna's cold lips, before gently pressing his lips against his'. The kiss was dull and lifeless, but it was enough for Spanner, who had been alone for such a long time and had already forgotten what it felt like.

He lifted his right hand to absently caress Tsuna's scalp through the thick layer of spiky hair. Spanner could imagine the noises Tsuna would make, had he been conscious and willing to do this with him. _Better ask for forgiveness than permission_, he told himself mentally, which calmed him down considerably and made him more willing to press kisses on Tsuna's chin and neck.

The hardening member rubbed painfully against the front of his boxers. With a groan he laid down next to Tsuna and quickly removed his trousers and then his underwear.

Because of Tsuna's unconscious state, Spanner assumed that no foreplay was needed. He flipped Tsuna over to his stomach and licked his lips as he grabbed the hem of boy's boxers.

That was when his mind started screaming different orders. He understood how sad it was to take advantage of Tsuna's unconsciousness. It was sad that he was so frustrated because of not getting any for such a long time. And now he had to take it out on someone, who was a lot younger than him and on top of that same sex as him.

Spanner bit his lip and roughly yanked down Tsuna's boxers. He was already so far that he might as well go all the way.

Spanner had never had sex with a male, but he had heard Irie talk about it sometimes. It was a well-kept secret, but despite that, it was known thorough the Millefiore that the relationship between Irie Shoichi and Byakuran was based on something much more than friendship.

But what Irie had said, he couldn't really remember. The only thing he could concentrate on was the pulsing erection and Tsuna's welcoming position.

Had Tsuna just been awake, maybe things could be different somehow. But it was a little bit too irrational to think that Tsuna would actually want to sleep with him. He was just a boy, much too innocent for something like this. If he had only been ten years older…

Spanner ran his palm down Tsuna's back and eventually slipped it in between his legs. His fingers graced over Tsuna's entrance. But sticking his fingers up his butt seemed a little bit too harsh, so he fumbled for hand lotion, which he had left nearby the bed. He didn't have lube, but he supposed that the lotion would be fine.

He coated his three fingers in the hand lotion, before pressing his fingers inside of Tsuna's warm hole. Tsuna might confuse the pain he caused for the after effects of his attack, therefore Spanner didn't see a need to be too careful with preparing the younger male. It was very unlikely that Tsuna would suspect someone raping him, while he had been knocked out.

Spanner covered his manhood with the hand lotion and took a hold of Tsuna's waist. He had to lift him from the mattress a little, as he positioned himself and entered Tsuna.

His mouth opened in a silent gasp. It really had been a while since he had had sex. But he could remember that the feelings coursing through his veins where not the same kinds of feelings he got when he was with a woman. This was something completely out of this world. It was fucking _amazing_.

He pushed himself all the way and let out a low groan. He could imagine Tsuna crying in pleasure, while begging him to stop.

If Tsuna had been conscious, Spanner knew that he would scream in ecstasy after a while. He knew that the euphoria that shrouded him, would take over the boy too, whether he wanted it or not.

But as he moved back and forward, the euphoria faded quickly. Soon it was only cold and rough _sex_, which bore no meaning or passion. It was like a cheap porn movie with bad actors. It was just a movement, which sure was pleasurable, but at the same time very wrong and twisted.

Spanner started to feel sick, but it was not because of Tsuna. There was only one person to blame, and it was himself. When he stared down at Tsuna's lifeless form, he realized that he wanted to hear Tsuna breathe and moan his name out loud.

He tried to push the thoughts away, but as he tried to continue, his eyes became teary.

"I'm horrible…" Spanner whispered through his gritted teeth, as he forcefully shoved himself forward and his stiff member buried deep inside of Tsuna.

Spanner let out a gasp and the hands holding Tsuna's waist started to shake. The trembling moved all the way from his fingertips to his toes, until he collapsed on top of Tsuna and forced the boy flat against the thin mattress. His breathing came out heavily and his throbbing need was still deep inside of the young Vongola.

But he couldn't move, he could barely even think rationally. Sweat dropped down his temples and blended with the tears in the corners of his eyes. His eyes were wide open and stared blankly forward. Tsuna's body was like a flame, which burned him, but he couldn't pull away. He knew he deserved to be burned by the guilt and hate for himself.

Just a while ago his thoughts had spun all around his head like a fast carousel. But now everything was frozen and he could only think of one thing— _I'm a rapist. I'm a child molester, I'm twisted and sick._

Spanner closed his eyes, as he slowly pulled his slowly fading erection out of Tsuna. He had not even reached his climax, but his change of heart was enough to kill any pleasure crossing his path. What would everyone say if they found out? And more importantly, how could he ever even think of looking at Tsuna in the eye? Shit, he would probably never be able to even touch him.

Spanner shut his eyes close, as he felt tears roaming down his cheeks. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he snaked his arms around Tsuna's lithe body and embraced him.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered in the brown-haired boy's ear and smothered his uneven sobs against Tsuna's shoulder, "…I'm so sorry. I'm so,_ so_, sorry."

But the unconscious Tsuna was not able to judge, neither forgive him. He would never see the older man press his head against his shoulder and cry. He would never have to face all the bad things Spanner did to him.

And Spanner could only forever remember and regret that day.

He pulled Tsuna hard against his chest and let out a bitter laugh. Maybe all that happened was just a dream, since Spanner wasn't a bad person.

_Spanner wasn't a rapist. _

He didn't have to remember. He could simply forget.

--

The consciousness started returning to Tsuna. The waves of awareness were gentle, as if he had been falling back to sleep rather than waking up. But the scent of Japanese green tea tingled in his nostrils, begging him to open his heavy eyelids. A smile crept on his face, as he thought that he was finally waking from the awful dream he had had.

When he would wake up, there would be no conflicts in world in ten-years-later. He would be home and Reborn would nag at him for not doing his homework. And his mother would hold a teapot in her hands and smile at him.

He opened his eyes and tried to read a text which was as if hanging in front of his eyes. He heard faint laughter, but couldn't recognize the voice. He frowned and muttered, "_Su…hana_?", as he gazed over the writing on a white piece of paper.

"No, it's _Spanner_." A rough voice said with a foreign accent. The piece of paper disappeared from his sight, but the scent of tea remained. The same coarse voice continued soon, "That's a _pa_."

Tsuna closed his eyes again and laughed, "Sorry, I missed the 'p'. I must still be a little sleepy."

"That's alright."

Tsuna remained in the sweet state of bliss and ignorance for a moment, before the reality actually came crashing down. He shot up from the thin mattress he had been lying on and looked around the room. A pain tingled in his abdomen, but he thought that it was the after effects of the X-Burner.

"You will catch a cold like that." Spanner pointed out and tried to act as casual as he could. He offered Tsuna a mug of green tea and a similar jumpsuit he was wearing, "You can borrow this. Drink some tea."

Tsuna looked down his body and noticed that he was only wearing his boxers. He let out a squeak and pulled the blanket up to his chest. He glanced around the room frantically and noticed that his clothes were hanging on a rope and his other belongings were neatly places on a black canister.

"My lucky charm!" Tsuna reached his hand out, only to notice that he was chained to the wall.

Spanner placed the tea mug on the floor and grabbed his gun and pointed it at Tsuna's head, "Take it easy, Vongola 10th"

Tsuna stopped breathing, but kept staring at his belongings, which were far out of his reach.

Spanner knew that it was a little bit too much to threaten Tsuna with a gun, but he stated as calmly as he could, "Right now you're M.I.A."

Tsuna turned his head toward the mechanic, fear written all over his face. Spanner managed to keep his calm and stared right into his wide eyes, which were filled with innocence and purity. But there were no signs of corruption.

Spanner's heart throbbed painfully. Tsuna didn't have a clue.

But he couldn't forget.

-

A/N: sorry, I just had to write this after reading chap 187.


End file.
